My Mommy Brain

I’m suffering from a severe case of Mommy Brain. I can’t remember ANYTHING. Now I was warned when I was pregnant that I would get “Pregnancy Brain,” but I was promised it would reverse itself after I gave birth and all those raging hormones were gone. WRONG! After each child (five total–all girls no less), my brain capacity seemed to shrink by 20 percent. I must be down to about 11%, max.

I walk into a room and instantly forget why I am there. I look around thinking “Why did I come in here?” and more often than not, I won’t remember until several hours later, “Oh yeah! I wanted a cup of tea.” Or “Crap! I forgot to call the vet and change Sparky’s appointment!” Short of tattooing the information on my forearm, I just can’t seem to get my s#*& together.

And yes, I make lists.

I have lists everywhere. Grocery lists, to-do lists, task lists, work lists, lists on my phone…you name it. I will carefully document all the items I need to get from the grocery store and leave the list at home. When I return from the store I spent $200 and still forgot the eggs. My dear husband is no help, either.

Ring! “Hey honey. I forgot the grocery list. Can you read to me what’s written on the fridge?” “Where on the fridge?” “It’s right on the door about halfway down on the right-hand side.” “I don’t see a grocery list here, just a bunch of scribbles: mink, egos, breast…what kind of list is this anyway!?!” “Oh, just forget it!” click.

I can’t remember my kids names. Okay, give me a little leeway here. I do have five kids, all girls as I think I might have already mentioned. So when I’m calling for my oldest to put the clothes in the dryer I go through the entire list of names before the correct one is called. “Kylagillygabbyannacaehlin. You! Child number one, get over here!”

I used to laugh when my sister-in-law would say “Connorstephen” whenever she was looking for one of her boys. “It was just easier than trying to get the correct name the first time,” she said. Whatever, I thought, how can you not remember your own child’s name?!? Now I do the same thing! But I take it one step further…I can’t always remember all of their names! “Kyla…ah, Gillian, Annaliese, wait, who am I forgetting?”

This is maddening! I’m not supposed to forget things like the precise time, date, weight, length and APGAR score of each of my children. My pediatrician must think I am a moron because I can’t keep my kids’ birthdays straight. I’m always saying November 7th for Caehlin even though she was born on the 6th. Or I will call to make an appointment for one child and give the receptionist the birth date for someone else. “What did you say your child’s name was?” “Oh, I’m sorry, I have too many children! I meant….”

No really, I’m not an idiot. I just have Mommy Brain.